“Faith is the realization of what is hoped for and evidence of things not seen" (Hebrew 11:1)
How’s your Lent so far?
Mine’s been a total train-wreck. Seriously.
I became addicted to things I wasn’t addicted before (e.g. youtube browsing addiction- yes, there’s such thing).
I forgot how to prioritize.
I lost track of how to let the Spirit control my flesh.
I buried myself in my own problems and worries; not realizing how much grace He’s given me through this gift of Faith. To sum up, it’s been a complete, total mess.
Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead today. Somewhat, He raised the Lazarus in me. I’ve been sleeping way to long in the darkness of death and the emptiness of the ‘world’. I went to mass today and it was an eye-opening experience. New things revealed, old things confirmed, and I got slapped in the face, gently but firmly, as a reminder of how much I neglected the ‘essence’ in my spiritual journey.
In these past spiritually strenuous few weeks of the Lenten season, I don’t know how many times I cry out to Jesus out of my frustrations. It’s just so hard to live in righteousness! (see Romans 8:10) Just like Martha, I often complain, “Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.” In other words, “Where were You? Where have You been? What took You so long? You knew he was ill, and yet You chose to stay in the other town for two extra days and so it is too late.”
Apparently, Jesus understood Martha’s frustrations. Jesus wept with her. And so I believe, He shed His tears with me too. He sympathizes with me. He understands me. It’s okay to cry out to Him from my deeply troubled heart. And I’m comfy enough screaming at the top of my lungs for His help.
But Martha didn’t stop there as I usually do. She didn’t stop at just pouring out the sadness in her heart to Jesus. She stepped it up. She had done more. She hoped, she had faith, and she acted on it. “But even now I know that whatever You ask of God, God will give You.” Such faith!! But even this kind of faith is not ‘complete.’ She didn’t realize that Jesus could do miracles ‘now.’ “I know he will rise, in the resurrection on the last day,” she replied as Jesus mentioned that Lazarus would rise. She missed out seeing through Life Himself standing before her. She didn’t realize how much more God can offer her.
Indeed Jesus offered her more. “I am the resurrection and the life; whoever believes in me, even if he dies, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.” Martha still saw the matter through her human eyes. Circumstances can easily cloud us from seeing the great things God can do in our lives. “Lord, by now there will a stench; he’s been dead for four days.”
But if we see through the Resurrection and Life Himself, we will see beyond difficult situations, beyond what this world can offer. In the stench of my sins, my weaknesses, my troubled heart, and my complicated conditions, the glory of God can be revealed.
“Did I not tell you that if you believe you will see the glory of God?” “Lazarus has died. And I am glad for you that I was not there, that you may believe.”
Amongst the stench of death, grace is found. When we are weak, we are very strong. Those who want to be first must be the last. Faith is the ‘essence’ that I’ve been looking for deep inside. But I felt spiritual numbness crept inside of me. I stopped coming before the Lord for His rescue and His mercy. I was numb. I didn’t even do the first step, to cry out to God. It’s worse than complaining and not acting about it. It’s worse because I just became indifferent, numb.
But how different it is once faith in me is resurrected, when I rediscover this gift. I felt peace, not numbness. Numbness only means suppressing the frustrations in me, neglecting the grace He offers me. But faith kills all those frustrations for good. Faith gives me peace and hope that this world cannot over. A leap of faith is a leap of joy. It’s a leap beyond circumstances.
When I was prayed over in last month’s retreat, I was told that I would be given a lot of opportunities to use the gift of faith. All this time, I looked at it as having to go through lots of tribulations and hardships. Until today, I was reminded to look at those opportunities from a different perspective. How I should rejoice because that means I will see the greatness of the Lord revealed in me; that I will see many miracles as I walk by faith; that His grace will be poured over me until I’m drenched in His love and mercy!
For great is His faithfulness and just as He told the Israelites through Ezekiel, "I will put My Spirit in you that you may live, and I will settle you upon your land; thus you shall know that I am the LORD. I have promised, and I will do it, says the LORD."
I want to walk by faith in confidence of the Lord’s faithfulness and by the grace He’s given me and with the strength from the Holy Spirit. My hopes and dreams will be realized and I will see great things that He has prepared for me.
I want to see Jesus’ face, not only His hands.
I want to be with Jesus because I love Him, not because I only want His blessings.
I want Jesus because He is my King and my Savior, not because He’s a problem fixer and a miracle worker.
-Loosely based upon Fr. Xavier Lavagetto’s homily and my own reflection. Fr. Xavier is a Dominican pastor of St. Dominic’s Catholic Church, San Francisco-
